So Ellen Page came out

I don’t like to talk politics or controversial topics.  As a matter of fact, I quite like to remain ignorant to a lot of things considered either political or controversial.  There’s some part of me that feels it’s all so petty, God is so much bigger.  I am a Christian, we are usually conservative by nature.  But over the past few years, I really feel like the Lord has educated my heart on homosexuality.  And I know many of my Christian peers would probably strongly disagree with what I’m about to type, and to those of you who disagree – please don’t talk to me about it.  I’m not confrontational, and I don’t feel like I need to defend my opinions.
I’ve had an increasingly hard time believing that homosexuality is as “sinful” as the church has been making it out to be.  I don’t feel like I am less of Christian for believing that and I don’t feel like I’ve conformed my views to fit the world.  I feel like the Bible says a lot of things.  And I feel like a lot of those things don’t necessarily hold true in today’s world.  See below for President Bartlet’s argument.

Now, whether that makes us all a bunch of terrible, terrible sinners who are going to hell or people who only moderately sin because we’ve all conformed the Bible to fit our world so we’re still going to Heaven – I don’t know, I’m not God.  But I do know we all still sin.  And on the basis that certain Biblical things don’t seem to apply in the world today, I think your sexual preference really doesn’t matter anymore.
Because I can’t contribute to the belief that homosexuality is a choice and makes Coy Mathis’ story controversial.
Because I can’t contribute the belief that boys should play with soldiers or balls and bullied Michael Morones into attempting suicide.
Because I can’t contribute to the belief that turns fear into hate and fuels crimes like the murder of Matthew Shepard.
Because Ellen Page is right.


“There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress and speak.  And they serve no one.  Anyone who defies these so-called norms becomes worthy of comment and scrutiny,” she says.
Minutes later in that speech, Ellen announces she’s gay.  The room stands and applauds, and my heart breaks.  It will never take courage for me to announce my heterosexuality, because there’s no judgement against it.  I’m “right” for being straight.  My life will never be drastically altered because my sexual preference.  I will never know the struggle of coming out.
I hope one day we live in a world where this issue is a thing of the past.  Where the LGBQT community doesn’t hide in a world clouded by guilt, fear, rejection, or judgement.  Where my brothers and sisters in Christ seek to understand rather than condemn.
Yeah.  That is the world I want to live in.

Why blogging during year one of marriage was hard

There are so many things I want this blog to be, so many things I want to be.  Creative, funny, engaging, original…

The blogosphere is so daunting, all these beautiful people blogging about their beautiful lives.  Some are better at photoshopping the cracks to form smooth, beautiful images.  Others, like myself, aren’t very good at that.  So instead of revealing the cracks, I just stop blogging for long periods of time.  I know not many people read this, but even when I look back on it in a few years, I don’t want to remember the hard times and the imperfect edges that I have.  I want to look back and smile, “Look at the creative thing I made, look at that funny post I wrote.”

But that’s not my real life.  I’m mildly creative when the mood strikes, I’m pretty awesome at following a recipe and making a good dish, I have moments where I think I’ve made the most hilarious funny ever.  Yes, I just used funny as a noun.  And what’s even more not real life was that Ian and I’s first year of marriage was incredibly awesome all the time.

Before I continue, everyday Ian and I grow deeper in love with each other and things become minutely easier.  We learn how better to communicate with one another, how to unconditionally love each other, how to forgive each other quickly, how to be each other’s protagonist instead of antagonist, how to be on the same team.  Most of these qualities come so much easier to him.  He doesn’t have to try to be patient, he just is.  He doesn’t have to work to forgive me, he just does.  He doesn’t have to remember to choose to love me, he always loves me.

Me, on the other hand, I get frustrated and impatient easily.  I hold grudges and have to cool down before I can forgive.  And worst of all, sometimes my love comes with conditions.

Marriage is mostly awesome, but there’s also this part of marriage that is awful.  There are these moments where I feel like I am spectator in my own marriage.  I see my selfishness and pride and I hate it.  But it’s who I am, so even though I’m aware of my behavior, it’s incredibly hard to change.  Who knew being refined was so painful?

I like to blame it on the fact that we got married in our late 20s and I was used to being on my own.  I hadn’t had to share stuff in ages, but now I have to share everything.  My bed, my food, my bank account.

But this is the thing, those aren’t mine things.  They’re ours.

So you see, while year one of marriage was pretty cool (slumber parties every night with my best friend, having someone to hang out with always, and all the other good things about being married), it was also really rough.  It’s an adjustment to have your imperfections thrown in your face and not be able to escape them.  It’s hard to find the creative, funny, engaging and original parts that exist within you when you feel consumed by your faults.

So here’s to our second year of marriage.  May we help each other be inspired to be the best versions of ourselves and embrace all the qualities we embody, both good and bad.