We almost bought a house this weekend

Ian and I have known for a while that someday we’ll want to get a bigger house.  We have a cozy (read: small) house in the heart of East Nashville, and it fits us fine.  There are three functional bedrooms and a tiny bathroom, as well as a kitchen and living room.  And while it’s small, it’s affordable and we’ve made it ours.  We’ve added a deck, a fence to the backyard for our dogs, painted some walls, and added some fun art.

We came to the realization two weekends ago that we could afford something bigger right now.  We found a home we both loved, but an offer had been accepted as we looked at it.  So we put in a backup offer and furiously looked at more houses everyday.  We finally found one in the neighborhood we wanted that checked off so many of our boxes (more space, a garage, fenced in yard, open floorplan, and the list goes on).  We told our agent that we were prepared to make an offer and signed the papers.

Then I had a meltdown.  Minutes after we sent the paperwork to our agent, I found myself uncontrollably sobbing in our bed.  Actually admitting this makes me embarrassed.  I think it was a mix of a few things – I felt so foolish for being so indecisive, we would be depleting our entire savings, we didn’t really have a good reason to move, and we’d be leaving the only home Ian and I have known as a family.

Needless to say, I immediately texted our agent and told him to pull the offer.  We also told him to the pull the backup offer as well.  While I mourned a little the loss of much larger house with amenities we don’t currently have, my spirit was quieted.

I have an almost constant, permanent dialogue with myself about what it is to be content and satisfied with what’s in front of me.   It’s unnerving how quickly I can convince myself that we need a home over twice the size for the two of us and our pets.  But it’s also reassuring how something unspoken can just as quickly force me to reevaluate questionable decisions.

Ian and I talked a lot about new houses this weekend, and someday we will look for a bigger house, when we have more money saved and can really justify the purchase.  But for now, this 900 square foot box divided into 6 rooms is more than so many have and more than enough for us.