First things first, I don’t know how many people read my blog. And more so, I don’t know who reads my blog. Fair warning regarding this entry, I mention
Aunt Flow the crimson wave shark week my period quite a bit. If it’s awkward for you, you should stop reading after the next sentence. Then educate yourself on the total normalcy of menstruation and realize this really shouldn’t be that taboo of a topic.
Those two extra days in my luteal phase gave me so much hope. I took a pregnancy test at 12 days post-IUI, and it was negative – but I held out hope. I scoured the internet for stories of women who tested negative on day 12 and still wound up being pregnant. Each forum I read and each bathroom break I took without my period making an appearance increased my hope exponentially.
Thankfully, Ian is far better at being optimistic and believes it will happen. He doesn’t need to convince himself. He moves through the emotions of infertility differently. My period starting doesn’t drag him as far into the depths of despair as it does me. And having this opposite, more hopeful partner is such a blessing in this season (well, all seasons really). When I asked him if he wants to do another IUI this cycle, he said, “Yes, definitely.” When I asked him to get me pity party pizza and a Cherry Coke, he did. And when I asked him if he would ever want to live a child-free life if all of this doesn’t work, he said, “Not unless it’s because we move to Africa and start an orphanage.” When I’m too debilitated to do much of anything, he’s the one who keeps us moving forward.