This is my fault.

Second hard thought, this is my fault.

I mentioned a couple of posts back that our doctor had some concern about my ovary size and follicles.  And then I did research, and wasn’t very encouraged.

By the way, our fourth IUI didn’t work, but my Clomid Challenge results were normal.

At our first consultation with our doctor, she mentioned my small ovaries and 10ish follicles and I feel like I was led to believe that was fine and normal.  Then in our second visit, she didn’t seem to think my AMH aligned with those issues.  Which is frustrating, but I won’t get into that yet.

After our second visit, I Googled the crap out of “follicle count” and how it related to fertility and IVF.  And I found this:

At our first visit, our doctor thought she counted ten follicles, and at our second visit, she counted eight.  And on Clomid, I never produced more than one mature follicle.  I understand that the injectable medicine you take during IVF is much stronger than Clomid, but it’s hard not to be worried about my response to it.
All this to say, it feels like this is my fault.  Should I have been taking birth control throughout my unmarried (and abstinent) 20s to preserve my eggs? (Thankfully, this has been debunked and that isn’t how birth control works.)  Should Ian and I have started trying right after we got married when my ovaries and eggs were 2 years younger? Shrug.  Should I have ate less sugar throughout my entire life?  Regardless of fertility, that answer is almost definitely yes.  Should I have drank less and taken more supplements in adulthood?  Probably so.
I don’t know why my ovaries are small or why my follicle count isn’t great.  And that’s discouraging.
But you know what is encouraging?  Researching ways to improve it.  An egg starts developing about 90 days prior to ovulation, so knowing that we may be doing IVF in the next couple of months, I’ve really started to buckle down on my health to ensure the best egg quality I can.
I’ve stopped drinking alcohol altogether.
I’ve tried my hardest to scale back my sugar intake.
I’m becoming more aware of the food I eat.  I’ve started to buy more organic foods.  I’ve planned out what to plant in our little gardens in the backyard and we bought two chickens for fresh eggs.  Yep, we bought chickens.  
Additionally, Ian and I have had some really great conversations about next steps for us over the past week or so.  And we decided that while we’re still gathering information about IVF, we’re also going to start gathering information about foster care.  But more on that later…

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